I Find You Odd

Or should that title be, You Find Me Odd?

What I find odd is the lack of conversation about the sudden change in the markets.

As in there is no market.

At least no market that is tradeable.

Or is it just me?

After all one of us is odd.

INTJ Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Where can I find an INTJ?


A: We INTJs are über-introverts, so we prefer asynchronous and semi-anonymous forms of communication. We get most of our socialization through internet forums and Usenet newsgroups. Look for us there.


Q: Can I become an INTJ?


A: Unless you are born an INTJ, your only hope is to find a genie lamp while strolling on the beach, rub it, and make a wish. You can fake being one of us by burying yourself in a mound of books, nerding out on a favorite subject (like quantum mechanics, not needlepoint), wandering around by yourself, not giving a damn what others think of you, etc. If this sounds like too much work, just try doing a good robot impersonation.


Q: How can I break up with my INTJ?


A: Tell us the truth. We’ll reply, “Sure, why not?”, and go on with our lives.


Q: My INTJ is trying to take over the world. Should I be concerned?


A: Remember, he’s trying to take over the world for the betterment of everyone and everything. Just go ahead and let him. He’ll be happy and the world will be a more organized and efficient place.


Q: My INTJ just told me I’m retarded. Should I take offense?


A: You probably are retarded, by our standards. But don’t take offense. Our standards are so high that even we don’t meet them. We judge ourselves more harshly than we judge others.


Q: My INTJ isn’t sensitive to my feelings. Should I take offense?


A: We aren’t even sensitive to our own feelings. Why should we be expected to be sensitive to yours? We won’t even try to fake it. Insincerity is a pet peeve of ours, and anyway, it would ruin our reputation if we ever showed emotion.


Q: Why doesn’t my INTJ ever show emotions or feelings?


A: Because he doesn’t have any. Actually, that’s not strictly true; it’s just that we tend to get emotional about things you might not appreciate. INTJs have been known to cry during the liftoff scene in “Apollo 13″, for example, and there are also many touching moments in some of the Star Trek movies. An INTJ may also smile or laugh at random for no apparent reason; probably one of the voices in his head just made a good joke.


Q: My INTJ doesn’t care about me any more after he tried to explain his idea and I didn’t listen. What should I do?


A: Ideas are of prime importance to INTJs, and disregarding or not listening to our ideas is the highest form of insult. Although INTJs do not hold grudges, neither do we go out of our way to associate with people who don’t give serious consideration to our ideas. You’ll be in damage control mode for quite some time, fighting an uphill battle to get back into our good graces.


Q: My INTJ won’t talk to me. What should I do?


A: What subjects are you trying to talk about? Most INTJs hate gossip, and all of us hate talk of relationships. We also don’t do small talk. Try quantum physics, psychology, or some other deep (but non-touchy/feely) topic. If all else fails, try email instead.


Q: Why does my INTJ keep correcting my grammar?


A: Probably because you are being grammatically incorrect. The next time you tell your INTJ that you’re going to “try and [do something]”, prepare to get bitch-slapped. It’s “try to”, not “try and”. And there’s no such word as “irregardless”. Words have specific meanings, and language has specific rules; please abide by them. And don’t even get us started on your contextually ambiguous use of pronouns.


Q: I have this REALLY good idea… should I tell an INTJ?


A: Sleep on it… for a week or so. If it’s still so appealing, sleep on it for another week. Then maybe run it by one of us and we’ll pick it apart for you. Your idea is more likely to survive our scrutiny relatively unscathed if you have actual logical arguments and sound evidence with which to back it up.


Q: Is it dangerous to annoy an INTJ?


A: First we will ignore you, then we will launch a volley of extremely witty but esoteric insults that will probably go right over your head, and finally we will just engage the “nod-and-smile” autopilot and go back to ignoring you. Best to leave us alone at this point. If you push us too far we may blow up your head with our telekinetic abilities. So, yes, it can be dangerous to annoy an INTJ.


Q: What are the pet peeves of INTJs?


A: Thanks for asking. Our pet peeves are:

■We dislike surprises.

■We hate having decisions made for us. We’re INTJs; nobody is more qualified to make decisions than us.

■We dislike getting gifts, as it burdens us with the need to reciprocate.

■We hate small talk, gossip, and relationship/people talk. Really anything mundane is beneath us.

■We get particularly annoyed by attacks on our intelligence, competence, and integrity.

■We hate it when people try to manipulate us.

■Insincerity and lying.

■People interfering with our alone time.

■People who are chronically late.

■People who talk incessantly. We will just engage our “nod and smile” autopilot and mentally go somewhere else.

■People who are stupid, arrogant, opinionated, and/or closed minded.

■Crooked/badly placed pictures.

■Superficiality (body piercings, pimped out cars, brightly colored anything).

■Salespeople. INTJs are immune to emotional manipulation and have zero tolerance for lines of bullshit.

■Incorrect grammar and word usage.

■People who waste our time (see Salespeople, people interfering with our alone time, etc.).


Q: My INTJ keeps disappearing. Is this normal?


A: Yes. We need our “alone time” to recharge, more so than any of the other introverted MBTI types. Being around people for very long sucks the life force out of us, and we sneak off to be by ourselves whenever our “low battery” warning light starts to flash. (And in those cases where we can’t disappear physically, we will retreat into our minds.) Consequently we have great stealth capability; we can sit in a corner, observing while being unobserved, and we can escape, unnoticed, when we’re ready to move on.


Q: Why can’t my INTJ remember anything?


A: This is normal. Most of us INTJs are very forgetful. We have too much going on in our heads at any time to remember a lot of new stuff. Also, we zone out and go into autopilot mode quite frequently. We often won’t remember where we put our car keys because we weren’t “there” when we did it.


Q: My INTJ employee consistently strolls into work an hour late and leaves an hour late, every day. He/she seems to make their own hours, however the job gets done rather well. Should I feel disrespected?


A: Time is relative to the INTJ, and getting the job done right is paramount. We do not like wasting our time, so we will often adjust our schedules accordingly to miss AM and PM rush-hour traffic. The more traffic we miss, the more time we have for books, movies, video games, books, message boards, books, etc. You should feel disrespected, although it has nothing to do with them not honoring your work rules; it has to do with them not thinking you are particularly smart or competent. If you were smart/competent, you wouldn’t be going on about getting your wittle bitty feewings hurt by your disrespectful but high-performing INTJ employee.


Q: My INTJ is very pedantic.


A: Strictly speaking, that’s not a question.


Q: Dammit, see what I mean?


A: Yes, the irony was not lost on me as I typed the previous answer.


Q: And sarcastic as hell, too.


A: Sarcasm is a free public service we provide to those within earshot. No need to thank us. We also do irony, hyperbole, word-play and puns, one-liners, quick-witted observations and flippant remarks, and abstract and deep philosophical insights on nonsensical themes. Our sense of humor tends to be dry, warped, and morbid, and not everybody “gets” us.


Q: Why does my INTJ just “shut down” at the end of the day?


A: Our minds are always buzzing with plans and theories, and we cannot voluntarily get it to stop. But even an Indy 500 car will coast to a halt after it runs out of gas. When we are very tired our brains slow down, and we become normal or even a bit retarded. If we start asking you to repeat what you just told us but more slowly this time, and/or if we can no longer perform simple routine tasks like computing an orbital transfer burn or finding a memory leak in 10,000 lines of C++ code, you know it’s time for us to call it a day.


Q: Why is my INTJ so… well, so freakin’ WEIRD??!?


A: It’s probably just a side effect of the way our brains work. Many of us tend to be rather obsessive-compulsive, for instance ordering our cd’s, dvd’s, and books by genre then alphabetically (by title for dvd’s, by group then title for cd’s, and by author then title for books, except for series which must be kept in appropriate serial order). Most of us have other quirks as well, e.g., always eating M&M’s in a specific color order, naming our children in alphabetical order, etc. It’s a small price to pay for genius, really.


Q: Why does my INTJ just start nodding and smiling after we’ve been talking for a couple of minutes?


A:


Q: I said, WHY DOES MY INTJ START NODDING AND… Oh I get it, you’re being sarcastic again. Does it ever get old?


A: [ hey, more Wayne Newton anagrams… We Want On Yen, Ant On New Yew, Way None Went… ]


Q: Hello? Are you going to answer any more questions?


A: [ … “Hair Salon For Stray Nerd Nuns”, “Larry Moe and Curly’s On”, “Karaoke’s Not That Fun”, “Harry Potter’s Gay Stepson”, … ]


Q: I’m outta here.


A: [ works every time ]